I find it a little strange to think about the differences between this Christmas and last year. This time last year none of my pants fit. Or they sort of did, but only because I was doing the rubber band trick because I was bound and determined to wear my own clothes for nine months. And no, that didn't last too much longer and then I was just living in sweatpants and Kyle's shirts. I WIN.

This time last year we were in the beginning stages of turning the second bedroom into what would become Blake's bedroom. There were also many discussions about whether yellow was a neutral colour or whether we were having a boy or a girl. Kyle won that one since he picked boy from the beginning while I changed my mind just about every day. Maybe I was just hoping to have a girl who I could dress in pink and buy Barbies…sigh. Okay just kidding, I swear. (brb putting a bow in Blake's sort of existent hair)

And hey! Around this time last year someone decided they wanted to spend the rest of their life with my weirdo ass. Personally, I think he's a little crazy but I won't tell that to his face. I think he just keeps me around because A) we make cute kids and B) I clean the house when he's not home :-D

(I'M JOKING by the way about all that. I mean, we do make cute kids. But that's not the only reasons he keeps me around)

This year things are not as hectic and hectic all at the same time. It sort of feels like we've been running a marathon between tours and traveling and…I don't know what else! But this year we have a baby who seems to be growing like a weed every time I look at him. He's almost on the verge of crawling all over the place, which makes me want to go baby proof everything RIGHT NOW. And while I know he won't remember his first Christmas, I can't wait for tomorrow morning just because of the excitement Christmas morning brings in general. I'm sure he'll just squeal his approval at everything and try to shove paper in his mouth. Because squealing and paper eating are super fun apparently! But I think it'll be fun even if Blake won't remember it because we all will. And we can embarrass him when he's 15 and break out the pictures that I *might* have taken of him dresses as a reindeer!

…my excuse is that my mom bought it for him.

Anyway! It's Christmas Eve. I have stuff to bake and wrap because I wait until the last minute on everything. But I hope everyone has a good whatever you celebrate! And I'm sure we'll be seeing you sometime next year;)

I have a really hard time believing it's almost Christmas. I guess it just doesn't feel like that it should be November yet, at least. But time is really flying by. I mean, Blake is five months old and it doesn't really seem like so much time has passed. It's insane! He's already so much bigger than I think he should be. Hell, next week he'll be walking and talking;)

So we spent some time in LA. It was nice to get away from home for a little while. Home is home but after awhile even it can seem a little...overwhelming. I think the monotony of being at home day in and day out can get old, especially when you're both a little used to being on a bus a lot of the time. But I got to spend some time with Aubrey (and her peanut!) and people, I got to see Garbo play which was super awesome! I also got to hang out on the beach and Kyle got to work. HA! WORK. Oh wait, I did some of that too a couple of days during our trip. And I have to admit I'm very much into having people do my hair. Pictures/stuff will probably appear on the internet before I know it.

Peanut was two things on Halloween, much to his chagrin (my kid does not like having his clothes changed. It ends in ~drama~). But hello! You can't resist having a kid whose nickname is Peanut be an actual Peanut. My mom about died when I told her about that. He was super cute as a Peanut. I'm pretty sure there are about a billion pictures. And okay we went with Darth Vader as costume number two because it was too cute to pass up. It was a super fun night, probably because we were all dressed up and partying it up at Jules and Alfie's reception. It was a super good way to spend Halloween.

Of course, the time came to come back home. But I think we'll be back in the warmer weather sometime soon. It spoiled me at least! Now I sort of feel like I should start decorating for Christmas, which still seems ridiculous. I know, I know. The people around me LOVE Christmas, and I do too! It just does not feel like it should be 40 some odd days away.

So yeah. Not a lot going on around here, well besides someone teething and drooling everywhere;) Someday I will be exciting again. I just don't know when that's going to happen.

sometimes I feel like a nut.

You know, I totally didn't realize it'd been so long since I updated this thing. I guess with the baby, Warped Tour and everything else thrown in here lately that I sort of just forgot. Um, oops? I will try to promise that won't happen again but who knows! I guess I should start with Warped? Our little week on there was a ton of fun. I'm a little sad that it's all over for another year just because it's always so fun to bea round your friends and make new ones in the midst of checking out some really awesome music. It was an interesting experience taking Blake along but I'm really glad him and Kyle got to come because I think it would've been a bit too hard to leave them both at home. I was a little worried that having Blake on the bus would be weird or it'd bother people since he's not always the most awesome sleeper. But surprisingly, he sleeps really well on something that moves (maybe that's why we spent a couple of nights last week driving around with a screaming baby?). I do have to admit it was nice to be out on the road for a little bit. I know I gripe about being away from home after awhile but at the end of the day, I learned that I really did (and do!) miss it.

So did you all know Kyle's been in a band for like...forfuckingever? It's a wonder they haven't killed each other yet, I know. On the birthday of the band, they put on a show at the El Mocambo and I got to tag along because Kyle's parents offered to keep the munchkin while I went to play fangirl/groupie. WHAT. People apparently think I am. I also keep Kyle on a short leash! WHO KNEW. I just have a feeling he's going to leave me for Josh one day. It's the stuff the Young & Restless is made of! Anyway. Moving along now. So it was in a small place and I'm pretty sure there might have been some fire code violations with how many people they managed to shove in there. But it was a ton of fun and I had a blast. There were a lot of people that came that I recognized from other shows I've been to so that was pretty cool. Pretty much everyone ended up slightly hungover the next day thanks to the after party but I think, all in all, it was a really good night for everybody. It was nice to hang out with people, although there were a couple missing!

So Peanut update? Little dude is almost three months old. I swear time is moving way too fast and like...next week he'll be 18 and moving out or something. It just seems so crazy because all of a sudden he's got this huge personality that's coming out and it's really amazing to see. He's starting to get way more interactive than just staring at us like we've completely gone bonkers. He has perfected the "WTF MOM?!" look, which is slightly disconcerting because I thought that was supposed to start when he hit teenager-dom. But he grabs at things (like my hair) and smiles at people and tries to make faces at whoever is in his line of vision at any given moment. It'sreally cute and amazing and HI I have turned into a really cheesy person! He might not always sleep when we'd like him to but it's okay, he's pretty cute <3 And people keep telling me the sleep thing won't be like that forever.

Ummm so yeah that is pretty much it for the moment. I think there are some things in the works (oooh, super seekrit missions maybe) for everyone and that is always a good thing. But really things are good. As long as Toronto quits having tornados (SERIOUSLY. WTF WAS THAT?) and LA quits trying to do crazy things like blow/burn/shake away then everything else will be good too. Now let's see if I can quit going 2 months without writing in this thing.

excuse me while I ramble.

So I knew it'd be weird getting back on stage in front of people. Weird in a good way but still. December seems like a complete lifetime ago when we were actually on tour. We were all exhausted and probably would've exploded into one big ball of hair dye and tattoos if we had to be on the road any longer. I know people thought after December that we'd just be done with it all for good and I can see why! But the weekend of NXNE and going to the MMVA's was an absolute blast. It reminded me (idk about anyone else but maybe them too) how much fun we all have together and how much fun it is to be around each other and on stage together.

Playing NXNE hasn't stopped me from being horribly nervous about playing a week on Warped. We should just face facts: I hadn't picked up a guitar since December before NXNE rolled around. A beach ball in your abdomen doesn't exactly make it easy to play. Granted, it all came back pretty easy so I guess that's a good thing? I have no idea. But I look forward to being on a bus and sweating a whole bunch and hanging with a lot of people and...you know, play some music inbetween all that. I think Blake will be coming along because the thought of leaving him home for a week sort of makes me want to cry (hahaha happens a lot still oh man :-x). We're still...sort of deciding but I think that's what we may do. Because while I know either set of parents are awesome and managed to raise us (and our siblings) pretty darn well and I know Kyle could take care of the munchkin just fine on his own, I still have panic attacks thinking about leaving him behind even if it's for a week. I don't know if that's weird or wrong or what. I know he's still super little but...yeah. Be prepared for a Peanut invasion on Warped Tour I suppose. Do they make infant/newborn (idk what he's considered to be) sized headphones? He might need them, although he can sleep through just about anything. It's just that he doesn't always want to sleep when we want him to.

Speaking of the Peanut, he is a whole month old as of last week or something. I have a hard time believing that though because it seems like just yesterday he was born. But he's gained like...2438904 pounds or not really but it feels like it since he seems so much heavier all of a sudden. I like to think we're sort of getting a schedule down but I know that's just going to go out the window tomorrow if I jinx it. We have learned to sleep when he does, although Kyle and I pigged out on cupcakes and icing one night just because it sounded good and well you can't go wrong with cupcakes. It was really fun although I think we still have cupcakes to eat. One day I might get sick of cupcakes and icing. Today is not that day!

Anyway. I will be at Arrow Hall on Friday for the Warped Tour because I can't just not go. I have a feeling it will be hot but it won't really matter because everyone else will be hot and gross while we check out some bands. YAY. So tell me who should I check out this year?

oh my god I've become boring.

Ignore my lack of a pedicure but here is my view on a day to day basis:

People should believe me when I say it's taking over the world. I'm pretty sure my center of gravity has moved from Asia to Antarctica because the whole running into people/things/small woodland creatures has only gotten worse. It's to the point where I'm tempted to wrap myself in bubble wrap before I go out so I just bounce off things when I run into them.

...I should do that and post it on youtube for the hilariousness of that mental image I just got.

Anyway. I also attempted to paint my toes the other day but couldn't reach. Well I could...for about five seconds before I felt like I was going to pass out. I know, I know I could just ask someone to do it for me but you know that'd take effort and I am bound and determined to do things on my own. I will be glad when I can really see my feet again. But hey! No tattoos have been harmed in the process of growing a human so I think I win. But watch, I say that now and watch something inside happen to my stomach within the next 3-5 weeks.

I actually woke up this morning and could breathe somewhat normally so I think someone has dropped at least somewhat. Which only means that I really do waddle now and it takes me twice as long to get some place than before. So I guess I trade one thing for another? But yeah. It's just sort of a waiting game right now and it's hard to do because I'm really impatient right now. So, any day little dude. I would like to see my feet again sometime soon. Also, did you know it's apparently weird for me to still be driving? I had some woman freak out on me yesterday (on Mother's Day of all days) because I climb out of the car, she asks how far along I am, I tell her and she proceeds to be all OMFGWTFBBQ!! YOU STILL DRIVE?

Well, yes? am I supposed to sit at home for the next month? Because I may really lose my mind. Am I supposed to have a driver? If so, dude I better get to name him Jeeves. Granted, I've had to move the seat back (which makes reaching the pedals super fun!) but yes, still driving. I didn't know it was one of those things you're not "supposed" to do or whatever. I don't feel unsafe or see any reason why I shouldn't. Sure, accidents can happen but they can happen when I'm not growing a human being. I don't know. I just sort of nodded and went on my way before the lecture of how I've already screwed up my kid or something stupid. It was very strange.

Anyway. Now I have nothing else to talk about besides being bored and hungry (someone should bring me some sushi :-x) but unfortunately that's nothing new. One day I will have awesome things to talk about. Unfortunately, that's not today!

I think I'm trying to get a cold, I'm not totally for sure. It sucks though. Anyway! I should update about Boston, yes? I had an absolute blast with Brady and everyone else, even if they did make go up on stage to sing a song. Pretty sure I felt like throwing up the five minutes before I was to go up there. I didn't, thank goodness, but still! I tend to have weird stage fright where I get really nervous about 5-10 minutes before going on stage and after that I'm totally fine. Which is what happened in Boston too. I was completely fine after stepping out on stage. And nobody laughed at me, so that was a plus:). Brady showed me around Boston the next day (although I think he was probably a bit hungover, poor dude) and that was a lot of fun. Usually there's never enough time to do any sort of sightseeing outside of driving past something and being like "oh there's insert landmark here" so it was really neat to actually see some things and get shown around by people who actually live there. I can't thank Brady and the guys enough for putting up with me and housing me. I had a lot of fun though. It was a good last minute trip and good to get out of town, even if it was for a short period of time.

I came home and have managed to go a whole lot of nothing since. I did attend some label meeting last week that was totally boring and only resulted in aggravating me for a variety of reasons. It was boring but also very telling. But things could maybe be changing one of these days. I'm sure it'll all be revealed anyway but I can't say too much. But no, I'm not A) having a tryst with anyone or B) leaving the band. At least I'd better not be leaving the band. I know I've lost my mind somewhere but I think I'd remember something like that.

People keep telling me to post pictures of the nursery since it's done and I keep trying to but my pictures come out looking like crap. So you get the stock photo of the stuff that we bought (or that um...our parents bought :-x cribs are expensive, yo).




Basically that's what it looks like, only the walls may be a little darker but not by much. I'm really happy with how it's turned out though. There's like...nine weeks left? I like to think I'm pretty ready but at the same time I'm totally not. But really I think I'm getting impatint to have him here already. Okay not going to lie but I just miss sleeping on my stomach. And I'm sure Kyle is tired of me tossing, turning and bitching about it the whole time. This stuff is fun, don'tchaknow. There's my weekly whining for this time!

One day I'll write about band stuff again.

brb, going to Boston or something.

No really, I've decided to go into another job field: bodyguarding. I don't think many people would mess with a bitchy pregnant lady. No but really, if anyone sees me hanging around a Sons of Uisneach shows, say hi. Or buy me non-alcoholic drinks. Or say hi and buy me non-alcoholic drinks. There'd better be non-alcoholic drinks somewhere. No green beer for me, unfortunately. I'm going to be there to make sure no one gropes Brady. So if you try to cop a feel, you might get shoved out of the way by my massively growing girth. I WIN OR SOMETHING OKAY.

Anyway, we should move on. So I've stumbled upon this show called "Toddlers" about little girls in pageants. I've watched it for all of ten minutes and it's made me...sort of really glad I'm not having a girl. Granted, I don't get the whole pageant thing. I'm no where near that world so I don't get it. But somehow spray tanning a 2 year old seems very...wrong to me. I don't know. See what happens when I'm not on tour? I watch really bad reality shows. Not that reality shows are...good necessarily but that was one of the worst I've seen in awhile. Oh god I just rambled about stupid shows. I feel like I should do a *headdesk* right there.

We're at...t-minus 77 days or something and I'm beginning to hope that these next 70 some odd days go by fairly quickly. Someone has decided that my ribs are an awesome place to hang out so my entire left side feels like I've been beaten with a baseball bat. I never really knew it was possible to be bruised from the inside out but apparently, it is. He did move out from my ribs about an hour ago but I know as soon as I go to bed he'll probably move back. There's my weekly whining, so I'm going to quit before I go on.

I need to quit shopping for things, by the way. Shopping is a bad, bad idea.

no wilford brimley around these parts.

My body has said a big fuck you to the diabeetus. I was going to insert a picture of Wilford Brimley but...I can't be bothered at the moment. I got up way too early this morning to go into the doctor's office for the test and I was starving. I think that test is some sort of torture device. Who makes someone who obviously is eating for two fast from midnight until after their appointment? It doesn't help that there's a McDonald's on my way and I swear I could smell those stupid McGriddles. I had to drink this super sugary drink that sort of tasted like flat orange soda. It wasn't altogether that bad but I sort of felt gross and shaky for the hour I had to wait. Yes, ladies and gents, I had to wait for an hour. I've never been so bored and I remember someone telling me to bring a magazine or a book to read but it honestly slipped my mind (like a lot of other things). So I sat around playing Mahjong on my iPod because it's really the only thing that can keep my attention for any length of time. After the hour was up they took my blood abd dun dun dun, no diabeetus.

And you know what I did after? Went and got a cheeseburger because my stomach was trying to eat itself.

But everything is fine; Peanut is measuring right on target and his heartbeat was pronounced as "perfect". Aww, he's already earning perfect scores. I've also gained a total of 13 pounds, which honestly doesn't sound like a lot now that I type it out. I swear I eat like a horse though. But my really good looking doctor (no really, I almost wish he was ugly because it's weird having a stranger look at uh..places) didn't seem concerned or anything. So I will continue to eat my cheeseburgers damnit. It does feel like a lot though. I keep running into things because my center of gravity is way off somewhere in Asia or something.

I've seriously been missing being on stage and being on tour lately. I even sort of miss sleeping in a bunk, possibly I could actually sleep in those and sleep is getting to be a rare commodity now. I don't know. I miss it. And I keep hearing things from certain people (ahem!) and I'm ready to get back into it in a few months. So the others reading this better be ready, you've been warned!

So apparently the day has just started even though I've been up for...ever. I feel like I should go do something with my day but I don't know. I might go bug Jayda and go play in her new place because it's awesome and huge. Or I might take a nap, I haven't decided.

Beware: Boredom ahead.

I need to write about Paris and I keep thinking about doing it and then something happens and I forget or...other things happen. Sometimes I'm pretty sure my brain has fried itself. But Paris was a ton of fun. I'm really glad we went. Alkaline Trio is an amazing band to see live and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Jayda and I had a lot of fun just wandering around and even though my french sucks a lot, we didn't manage to get too lost. I'm so glad we got to hang out though, it was a very good trip. I sort of hope that maybe next time we can just teleport ourselves since the flights seemed horribly long. They weren't bad for the most part but it's just not comfortable flying when your back and hips hate you like mine are starting to.

I came home and have been living in an empty house since Kyle is over in London working with Josh for a couple of weeks. I haven't minded it too much even though it's too quiet sometimes. But I think I have a little bit of cabin fever or something because I'm bored out of my skull. I'm pretty sure there are things I could be doing but...I just haven't done them. Or I forget them. That's a big thing this week apparently! I don't know. I'm going to try to get out more this week. I just feel like a big blob because other people are working and doing other stuff and I'm...not? I don't know. And I don't know where that came from.

So moving on! I'm beginning to realize why some women become completely bitchy by the time they reach the third trimester of pregnancy. What with the constant questions and touching. Oh my god the random touching by strangers! I understand the questions and the touching to an extent. I can deal pretty well with the questions, although the little old lady at the grocery the other day looking for a ring on my hand made me want to hit her. The random touching by strangers freaks me out, I can't lie. Friends and family are excluded from that though, I don't mind that so much. But strangers? HOLY CRAP WEIRD. I feel a little like a Buddha when people reach out and like..rub my stomach. Maybe I am good luck? I hope they win a bunch of money and give me some but I don't see that happening.

I just never know what to do whenever it happens and I have a feeling it'll only get worse as the days go by. Do I slap their hand away and seem really rude? Do I smile and nod and stand there awkwardly? I've been doing the smile/stand awkwardly thing lately but I find it a little uncomfortable. So just a word to the wise for people who happen to stumble upon me or any other pregnant lady: just ask first before touching.

Other than that, things are pretty boring at casa de Lucy at the moment. I really should get out more.

sleep deprivation shouldn't start this early>:O

I am in a mood like crazy. I'm not sure where it came from but it's probably because I'm exhausted. Sleep was not easy in coming last night so instead of tossing and turning, and keeping Kyle up, I moved out to the couch. Well all that did was start my mind going in all of the things that still need to be done. Yeah, not going to happen. I need to work on packing for Paris and actually thought about doing that at like 3 a.m. but yeha, didn't happen. I think I did manage to fall asleep sometime around 4 but I woke up about an hour ago and feel like my head's stuck in a fog somewhere.

I'm thinking a nap will be in my more immediate future.

I think too much.

I thought maybe I was missing something when my fiance (no really, it makes me giggle insanely to think about too!) and friends all have other blogs other than myspace. Apparently I am not apart of the cool kids. I thought it might be better to start one for...personal ramblings. I ramble enough as it is so here we go. Get your popcorn ready! I'm probably not that exciting though. I tend to think in terms of two things: food and sleep. See? Totally cool.

So first things first. It's crazy to think that I've reached and surpassed the halfway mark in all of this. It seems like so much time has passed but then again it also seems like none has passed at all. It's pretty insane to realize that by June there will be a third in the house. Things are going well though so I can't complain too awfully much. Okay, okay possibly my only complaint is that I keep wanting to shop but I'm not sure if that's a real complaint or not. It mostly just means I have the urge to run our credit cards up to the limit. Um...oops?

There's something like...just over a week until Jayda and I jet off to Paris, I think? I'm really bad at dates at the moment, possibly the peanut is eating my brain. Anyway. I've been there once and it's gorgeous but you never really get a lot of downtime to do any real sight seeing when you're on a tour with a band that you're working for at the moment. Granted, Jayda and I aren't going to be there that long this time around but it should be a really fun trip. Of course it'll be pretty insanely awesome since we're seeing Alkaline Trio (!!!). I'm ridiculously excited even if I do sort of dread the long flight.

Random but I find myself missing being on tour. I miss the hectic-ness of it all. I miss playing every night and climbing back on the bus to go to the next city. I just miss it all right now, even though I'm missing it for a good reason (and we all need a break sometimes). I don't know. It's weird to be home for so long and be...all domesticated. I never thought I'd say that. It's a good-weird but still there. I think one day eventually it'll all make sense and feel normal.

4 months and however-many-days until D-Day.