It's sort of scary to think about doing something that's purely your own when you've been in a group for a couple of years. You're used to playing someone else's music, singing along with someone else's lyrics. It's not so personal then. But something that's your own means it's your music, your lyrics and it's horribly personal. It almost feels like you've taken off all your clothes and walked outside naked, that everyone can see and will know everything about you.

I think that's the one thing that's always stopped me from doing anything on my own music-wise. Sure, I've written things here and there but I'm not sure many have seen much of it. I'm always afraid it'll be too cheesy or not good enough when I really shouldn't give a shit what anyone thinks as long as I'm happy with it. But it's hard not to think about it at least a little bit. It's hard to put yourself out there for everyone to see. But I also can't lie and say I don't like the feeling of being on stage and playing; because I definitely do so it'll be a fun experiment to try.

So I'm going to try it, because the itch is there. I've got some people who have offered to help me out and know they'll also push me when I need a good kick in the ass. I guess I feel like I should I do it while Barclay is on a little bit of a break otherwise I' not sure when I'd get the chance (or the nerve). I know this automatically will send people into a frenzy but it doesn't mean I'm leaving Barclay or that we're breaking up. It means we're all sort of hanging out for the time being and doing our own things. And when the time is right, we'll get back together to cause trouble all over the place. I don't know when anyone will hear anything though, even if I would like something out there sooner than later but you know, these things take time. I promise it won't be too much longer because I want to get it out there and I want people to hear the sounds I have in my head.

Anyway, moving on because no one will probably have read this far ;-D Who is in Bali!? Oh right, this bitch right here. I've never been here before so I'm sort of in this dorky space where I stare at everything like it's all the greatest thing ever. It's so great that we all jumped in the pool as soon as we got here just because we could (that and smelling like an airplane is never a good thing). Josh also might've fallen asleep by the pool but I stand by the fact that he looked comfortable and I didn't want to wake him up. But it's been a lot of fun so far, especially since Blake can't get enough of the pool or...anything else really. It might be a little hard to come home, I'm not going to lie. I will! But still, it might be hard to leave paradise:)

So yeah. Things are good. Things are actually really good now that I feel like it's all going somewhere. But it's like 11:30 at night here and I should probably figure out a way to sleep soon-ish. Time zones are a bitch though people. Oh and yes, Jensen's virtue is still in tact;)