I feel like December has just gone by in the blink of an eye. Am I the only one that feels like that? I swear just yesterday it was Thanksgiving. I really can't believe that 2010 is just a couple of days away from being over either. I should probably work on making a resolution that I'll forget about on New Year's Day because I'm already predicting a hangover will be happening.

But I'm glad that I got this time to spend with my family (and Jensen's!) even though the henut was missing from Christmas festivities as he was back home with his father. It has really been a blast having mostly everyone in one spot, even if our mom's spend way too much time gossiping about who knows what. I'm pretty sure they are both regular lurkers on ONTD and probably something like Perez Hilton on a regular basis now. Hm...maybe our parents have spent a little too much time together now that I think about it...

I'm really getting excited for next week's show because…holy shit it's next week! I mean, we can count the days on one hand now! How crazy is that? I really am excited though. I want to get on the road, I want to live on a bus with a bunch of other people (and probably a henut sometimes) and I want to play music. And if the band's texts to each other are anything to go by, then they're excited too. We're heading across Canada first and then a few California dates before a little time off, then opening for Miss Lennix's tour in Europe/Asia and then coming back for some more US dates. So pretty much? We're going to be all over the place for awhile, which is a definite good thing!

The response to "Paris (Ohh La La)" has been awesome by the way, which has made me jump around like a complete dork (would you all expect anything less from me?). I can't wait to play it live for once and for all. And there's been talk of a video, which makes me want to keysmash in excitement. I feel like big things are happening and it sort of makes my head spin but it's all really exciting and I can't wait to see where it all goes.

countdown to February 1? (ooh la la!)

When I started this whole journey (which sounds so dorky), I wasn't sure where it would lead. I wanted something to do while Barclay took a break, I wanted to try something new but it was really just me playing around with lyrics that had been written and a sound I had in my head. It's been an experience full of new friends (lol I have a band), all nighters and me feeling like a giddy schoolgirl every time I heard a new song come together as a whole. I'm nervously excited for the first song to be floating around on radio airwaves and on the internet today and I'm really excited to get on the road.

OH! Was that a clue I should post a tour date? I THINK SO!

1/3/11- Lee's Palace
529 Bloor Street West
Toronto, ON, Canada
(tix are $15 in advance/$20 at the door.)

So, if you're in Toronto or want to make the trek then come and hang! It'll be fun times! And more dates are in the works, that's just the first one I've been "allowed" to post about. As soon as I know when/where else we'll be, I'll be all IN UR CITY, INVADING UR EARDRUMS.

Oh and I guess I should probably post the song, right? This probably never would've come about if it wasn't for Jensen, who is awesome and amazing. I hope you all like it as much as I do!

I have had way too much coffee this week.

I knew going into this thing that is my own that it'd be mine, that it'd be my lyrics and the music I've had in my head for a year now. And I've managed to surround myself with some really great guys, who are into this thing of mine and who bring their own style to what I want to do. A certain someone has heard a hint of what's to come and it still makes me totally, ridiculously excited (plus, you know, he wants to work with me and it makes me want to clap like a seal). I guess it is a bit of a lonely existence, because I'm (basically) on my own for a bit and I have to get used to trusting my own instincts. Just because I think something sucks doesn't mean it really does and I shouldn't scrap it right away. That seems like it's the hard part of it all, well…outside of me sounding like a frog in the mornings here lately. It's super sexy;) But it's going really well so far, I think. This week has been full of lots of work and it's felt productive!

So I think I promised to post something the next time I updated, right? Right! I'll probably get yelled at for this later but whatever, I'm itching to show off some of this right this second! So. Here we go. I'll probably avoid the computer for a few after I hit "post" because HOLYSHITI'MPOSTINGTHISONTHEINTERNET. So, this is "Apologies". GO! LISTEN! Be excited! Let's just hope this works, huh?




I know it's a little different than Barclay stuff and it's definitely not the rap album I keep joking about (that one will be next) but I'm happy with it. Different is good;) I hope you all like it and this makes you maybe sort of excited for everything that's to come in the sort of near future.

I should update this thing, yes?

YES!

So I've been hard at work here lately, working on what I think are way awesome things. I know I've mentioned about being really nervous to get started on my own solo thing and I still am in some ways, but it's this excited nervous energy that makes me want to sort of bounce into rooms and squeal like the girl that I am. But it's been so much fun so far. I'm so excited to go to work and hear things come together the way I hear them in my head. I'm really excited for people to hear what's been banging around in my head, so hopefully soon I'll post a hint of what's to come. I can't say when anything might actually be out there for the masses, because as much as I want to hurry and get it all out there I still want to take my time. I still want it to be out sooner rather than later but we'll see how that goes. I want to play though! I want to do something! As much as I bitch about missing home when I'm on the road, I also find that I miss touring a lot. I get antsy being at home. So! People, get excited because I am way excited.

That doesn't mean Barclay is done forever and ever and ever (AMEN!) like people keep thinking. Because we're not done and fully intend on coming back together to record and tour again. It probably won't be for awhile, as I think we can all understand Miss Jayda needs the break. She's been working like a fiend since she was a kid practically, so it's normal to want the breather. And I think this time off has given Josh and I room to do things we want to for a little while. It was so much fun to work on the Twilight and Scott Pilgrim's soundtracks so I can't wait to see what happens when we actually do get back in the studio.

I'm just excited in general. I've overused that word, I know! And I'd probably use it more but I'm going to try to refrain when I mention I'll be in LA in like 9 days for the VMA's. My goal is to find Drake and meet him since apparently all Canadians should be bff's. I'm joking, I really just want to meet him. And I'll try not to refer to him as "Jimmy Brooks". Jensen keeps rolling his eyes at me when I sort of squeal about Drake. Trust me, he'd do the same thing about Jay-Z. My other goal is to not fall down in the shoes I bought. I couldn't resist a cute pair of shoes so let's keep our fingers crossed that there are no wardrobe malfunctions. But I'm excited (sorry! I had to use it!) to go! I watch it on tv pretty much every year so to go in person is super cool.

Should I do a henut update? I should probably! Because he's still growing like a weed. I keep telling him to stop it but he doesn't listen. Get this craziness: he's almost 15 months old! He might as well be going to college or something. He's walking practically all the time now, although he does still sometimes wobble like a little drunk old man. He's into everything he can reach, including pulling guitar cases down on top of him (it scared him when it fell over but he wasn't hurt). He's babbling up a storm currently in the next room since I guess he just woke up from a nap. Whenever I do eventually do anything that looks like a tour, he'll have his own personal manny (aka Uncle Michael) so I'm sure he'll start to demand diva-ish things soon. It's all apart of his world domination plan, you see;)

So yeah, things are good. Hopefully the next time I write in this thing, I'll have something super awesome to share with everyone!

It's sort of scary to think about doing something that's purely your own when you've been in a group for a couple of years. You're used to playing someone else's music, singing along with someone else's lyrics. It's not so personal then. But something that's your own means it's your music, your lyrics and it's horribly personal. It almost feels like you've taken off all your clothes and walked outside naked, that everyone can see and will know everything about you.

I think that's the one thing that's always stopped me from doing anything on my own music-wise. Sure, I've written things here and there but I'm not sure many have seen much of it. I'm always afraid it'll be too cheesy or not good enough when I really shouldn't give a shit what anyone thinks as long as I'm happy with it. But it's hard not to think about it at least a little bit. It's hard to put yourself out there for everyone to see. But I also can't lie and say I don't like the feeling of being on stage and playing; because I definitely do so it'll be a fun experiment to try.

So I'm going to try it, because the itch is there. I've got some people who have offered to help me out and know they'll also push me when I need a good kick in the ass. I guess I feel like I should I do it while Barclay is on a little bit of a break otherwise I' not sure when I'd get the chance (or the nerve). I know this automatically will send people into a frenzy but it doesn't mean I'm leaving Barclay or that we're breaking up. It means we're all sort of hanging out for the time being and doing our own things. And when the time is right, we'll get back together to cause trouble all over the place. I don't know when anyone will hear anything though, even if I would like something out there sooner than later but you know, these things take time. I promise it won't be too much longer because I want to get it out there and I want people to hear the sounds I have in my head.

Anyway, moving on because no one will probably have read this far ;-D Who is in Bali!? Oh right, this bitch right here. I've never been here before so I'm sort of in this dorky space where I stare at everything like it's all the greatest thing ever. It's so great that we all jumped in the pool as soon as we got here just because we could (that and smelling like an airplane is never a good thing). Josh also might've fallen asleep by the pool but I stand by the fact that he looked comfortable and I didn't want to wake him up. But it's been a lot of fun so far, especially since Blake can't get enough of the pool or...anything else really. It might be a little hard to come home, I'm not going to lie. I will! But still, it might be hard to leave paradise:)

So yeah. Things are good. Things are actually really good now that I feel like it's all going somewhere. But it's like 11:30 at night here and I should probably figure out a way to sleep soon-ish. Time zones are a bitch though people. Oh and yes, Jensen's virtue is still in tact;)

sleep is for the weak. or those confused with time zones.

I know that things happen for a reason. I mean, everything has to happen for a reason right? And we might not know those reasons, ever. And sometimes the reasons are good and sometimes the reasons are bad. It's just one of those things that happens in life. I know I'm talking in circles, only because I'm not sure what to say or how much to say. Because once it's all out there for the world (or you know, a couple of people) to read then it's real. While I know it's real, a part of me wants to play like it's not. Like at the end of a tour, it'll all be like it used to be. But I know things won't be like they were, because things change and people change. And it'll get better, even though it's weird and a little awkward right now.

So I'll put it out there for all the ~internetz~ to see: Lucy Davis is not getting married. Well, not anytime in the near (or far) future at least.

I think that maybe some of it wasn't altogether that unexpected. At the end of the day maybe we just grew apart or something. It's hard to explain. But it's hard to be in a relationship where you're both away for extended periods of time, even when you go see the other person when you can. It can just get to the point where it's draining on both of you. it doesn't mean there aren't relationships that don't last, because theres plenty of them that do. Shit happens, to be frank about it. But I don't regret that relationship, I don't regret my job or his job. Basically: I don't regret a damn thing.

Things are a little…awkward at the moment but I think they'll get better. We've talked a lot, we've Skyped a lot too since it's really been the only way he's gotten to see Blake here lately since his schedule has been hectic. He was actually one of the ones who told me to get out of the country and go hang with some friends (omg they're of the male persuasion too!). so I think while some of our conversations feel and probably sound a little awkward, I think things will get better. I mean, they sort of have to since we've both promised to be friends especially for the sake of Blake and do the whole co-parenting thing with as little drama as possible. The only thing I worry about is that this might all be really confusing to Blake. And that may not happen today or tomorrow but I worry that one day it will be on down the road. And I don't want that to happen, because he's what really matters in all of this. So no internet drama, okay? We're cool. Things are cool. Nothing dramatical happened or is happening.

And even though I shouldn't be, I've also been worried about peoples' reactions. Especially once it seemed common knowledge that I was running off to Europe to hang with Jensen and the rest of the people on the Ex Nihilo tour. I can only imagine what some have said or thought. I know, I shouldn't worry about what people think or their reactions to….well, anything. But a part of me does but it's cool. I think I needed to get away and I've had a blast so far. And don't worry, Jensen's virtue is still in tact;)

birthday!

THEN:


NOW(ish):



I have a hard time looking at Blake and knowing he's a year old (as of 3AM today so he's still *technically* almost a year old). It seems like yesterday we were bringing him home for the first time, and I was trying not to drop and/or break him. To be honest, I never really thought much about being a mother. I always figured it'd happen way on down the road when I was done pretending to be some sort of rock star. So when it happened, I was terrified and sure I'd screw the kid up before he was even born. Granted, we've made it an entire year without him being dropped on his head…but there's still time;)

I think what surprised me the most was how quickly I fell head over heels into the idea of being someone's mom. I found that I would do anything for that little person, even when he was just a little shrimp!alien-shaped thing. And I have to say that I worried for awhile about not feeling that immediate bond you hear about. Well, I worried about that and everything else related to having a baby actually because I get paranoid like that. But really, the minute I laid eyes on him it was sort of this "where have you been?" moment, like he'd always been there and we just hadn't seen each other in a little bit. It's hard to explain!

And I know I'm gushing and making everything sound like it's all rainbows and unicorns, and I guess some of it has been. But it's been the hardest 12 months I think I've ever been through and I think it was just a lot harder going from a two person household to a three person household and trying to figure out the logistics of…everything. But as hard as it's been, I really don't think I would change any of it. It's all been worth it and more to have him around, to watch him grow and learn new things. We've come a long way in a year and I really can't wait to see what happens next.

It's hard to admit but...I have gotten spoiled by California.

It's just so sunny! And (sort of) warm! We are staying in a place not too far from the beach, which means I can go shove my feet in the sand pretty much anytime I want. And that's pretty damn awesome. It's been nice to be out here, even though it's been more of a working vacation sort of thing for Kyle. But we've managed to get out and see some things when time permits.

And as much as I like it here and would like to go live on the beach and be a bum, I can admit to missing home. I think I just miss the familiarity of home and I now realise how nice it is to have two sets of parents willing to take the munchkin for a couple of hours. But it's just about time to go home. And going home means Kyle will be off doing promo/tour for the new When We Dead Awaken album! I'm super excited about it because it's a really good record from what all I've heard.

So I probably haven't mentioned it in the past three seconds or anything but a certain little dude will be a year old in three weeks. I find this crazy. Crazier than THIS:

why yes, that was what I looked like on May 11th of last year (HA! I had to go look at the date. I knew I was close!). I waddled and couldn't see my feet all that well. I don't miss that phase at all.

(so yes what does one *do* for one year old birthdays? it's not like he'll remember it? I feel like I should buy beer to celebrate me not having feet shoved up in my ribs anymore :-D y/y?)

I feel like maybe my brain has gone and left somewhere because I've had this window open for far too long. And I've been staring at the cursor blinking in between doing domesticated things like pulling stuff out of Blake's mouth and you know, laundry. I think he's teething again which means he's drooling/chewing/shoving remote controls in his mouth every time you blink.

I hope this means we are not in for a cranky baby later on, since he conked out a little while ago. I have to hold back the urge to go check on him every five seconds (still). But it's all quiet so far so I'm going to cross my fingers that maybe he'll sleep through the night and the offending teeth trying to make their appearance will hold out until it's a normal hour and we can at least be miserable when there is something on tv besides infomercials. holy run-on sentence batman! Yes. I am that person who rambles about things like teething babies apparently. My boredom, let me show you it!

Anyway! We are back from the super awesome acoustic tour of 2010 and it was exactly that: super awesome! And I got back home to find that the house didn't burn down and everyone survived unscathed. I guess the only bad thing about being on the road is that now I feel all unsettled, like I need to go be on tour some more or something. It's an odd sort of feeling that I haven't been able to get rid of.

The good thing, I guess, is that I get to go to LA soon (with a munchkin and maybe/possibly a Kyle in tow!). And play roller derby girl! I'm pretty sure I might hurt myself but it's for charity so I think I could live with it. Plus, you know, we have helmets and pads so hopefully I won't break anything. But is it bad I've had Ludacris' "Southern Hospitality" in my head since yesterday just for the "throw them 'bows" line?

No? Okay good.

I look forward to wearing actual warm weather clothing so there'd better not be any random snow storms in the next week or so.

As we get closer to going on tour, I have to wonder how many people e-mailed acoustictour@barclayband.com with the correct answer to Jayda's question from her last blog. I also want to know if anyone actually thought his name was Peanut (or Henut) since I call him both. (hey it's better than still referring to him as alien!shrimp baby since I thought that's what he looked like on an ultrasound)

But yes! Tour really soon! In a van! With awesome people! Every date is apparently sold out, which is pretty crazy to me. It should be fun times, especially being with friends and being shoved into small spaces together. I must admit though, it's going to be strange being without Kyle and the Peanut (except for the Toronto date). I'm not used to being away from Blake so this will be very interesting! But I know he'll be fine and won't be corrupted too badly while we're gone so I'll most likely be fine after the first show. Plus, it's time to get back in the swing of tour things I think.

so anyone do any Olympics watching? I hope you did because there were lots of awesome things that happened. I was there during the first week with Kyle and the dudes (and got to see short track speed skating!) and while it was a quick trip, it was so cool to see everything we could and see how *happy* everyone was. There's nothing quite like walking through a crowd and people busting out into O, Canada randomly. Probably the most awesome thing was when Josh and I snuck back to Vancouver and met up with Jayda to perform at the closing ceremonies. Granted, we knew we were going to do it but didn't want to tell anyone because hi! surprise!Barclay! I was repping my Canada hockey jersey and trying not to pass out or flail too much. I may have also run into Evan Lysacek randomly and um...he's very tall. Andcutebutshh,don'ttellanyone.

But we're all back home and are getting ready to have a rendezvous with Alkaline Trio this weekend. Have you noticed I fangirl them a little bit? No? You've been under a rock then! I can't wait.

Hm, what else. What else. Oh! I can has a dress? YES I CAN. (well, unless I change my mind or something maybe)

I miss playing my guitar full time. And I know that sounds ridiculous because it's not like I haven't been on tour at some point in the last 8 months or so. I guess it's just…I get bored at home. And it's a little hard to just sit around and tinker around on an instrument when you have an 8 month old who is fairly mobile and his favourite jungle gym is, well, you. Not that I mind all that much because the squealing/laughing is pretty great. But yeah. BRB IS BORED. Not that, that'll last long or anything because hi! We're going on tour soon! And then watch, I'll bitch about playing all the time;) Okay probably not but there's your warning. But yes, I'm ridiculously excited for this little tour of ours. I think it'll be a lot of fun. I'm already starting to think of how to pack without bringing everything (including the kitchen sink). I know I have time, but after Warped Tour last year where I think I literally packed my whole closet, I might need to make some adjustments.

So did you see where I mentioned Blake is 8 months old? I know, it's crazy to believe in a few short months he'll be a whole year old. I keep trying to tell him to quit growing but he doesn't exactly listen. Oh no, no listening, just laughing like what I just said was super hilarious. But it's so neat to watch him get around (um, we should probably babyproof things better) and figure out things. He's definitely his own little person. I dread the day when he won't want to hang with me and is three feet taller than me. Being taller than me won't take too awfully much though.

But, things are good. I can't really complain about much. I know starting tomorrow I'll have the tv on Olympics stuff pretty much constantly because I am a sucker for things like that. Curling ftw! Oh and hockey;) I hope everyone's prepared to hear "O Canada" a lot!

So guys, t-minus how many days until tour? How many days until Alkaline Trio! (Yes. Matt Skiba and crew are invading Toronto. So. Exciting.)

I've reached the point where I'm ready for winter to be over and ready for the hot weather to start. Granted, I live in the wrong part of the world for that to happen now but it's a good thought, yes? It's just so COLD. I'm tired of cold. Plus when you put on thirty layers of clothes to leave the house, it's just no fun. Add in thirty layers of clothes on a baby who then decides he needs his diaper changed, and well it takes 20 years to get out of the house. I'm kidding, really but it's close!

We had a good Christmas and New Year's though. There was lots of family, friends and food and presents. I think Blake is now the most spoiled boy in Canada if not, the world! He is into world domination of course. But we had some good holidays this year. I was a little sad for us to take the tree down though because everything just seems so dreary without the trees and lights up. So now the house is back to "normal", only with more toys on the floor for us to trip over.

But in my haste to push the warm weather to come quicker, I am off to California today! In fact, in like two hours or a little less than that. Basically there are a bunch of hot women there that I will most likely do a lot of drinking with, a lot of laughing with and there may or may not be strippers involved. Needless to say, I think Kyle is glad he's staying home with the henut;) They have manly son/dad bonding to do or so he tells me. I'm pretty sure this means there will be fake tattoos and/or a mohawk on the kid when I get back.

Anyway. I am packed, I am caffeinated and I have a book to try to read on my flight. California better get ready for my invasion;)